Keeping Abreast of Ellen

This week was a milestone - my 10th Cancerversary, a term some use to reference the anniversary of either diagnosis (my case), or the end of active treatment. I felt called to resurrect my blog, begin writing again, and set in motion a plan to write my first book. While there have been many constants, my perspective on cancer has changed in many ways since those early months when everything was a big, black hole. What does reflecting on a decade of living post-cancer reveal? Here are ten things I hate to admit about cancer: 1. Chemo was worth it While active treatment was no walk in the park, I navigated the initial chemo bombs far better than the post-rads fallout years. My aggressive treatment plan brought late side effects (heard of late-COVID? similar), many of which remain to this day. I remember being connected with a breast cancer survivor when I was preparing to return to work. Impatient and overwhelmed by brain fog and the inability to remember common words or to multi-task, I

Ten steps I climbed to the hospital door, Ten hallways I walked late at night. Ten strangers I passed on the MRI floor, Ten faces that mirrored my fright. Ten minutes I waited alone in the room, Ten pages I turned without reading.  Ten tears that transported my feelings of doom, Ten sighs that my heart was still beating.  Ten voices I heard, when there was but one, Ten tones that deafened my ears. Ten seconds I counted, then wanted to run, Ten pauses that silenced my fears. Ten breaths I took as I ventured away, Ten thoughts that entered my mind. Ten days I pondered, just what they would say, Ten reasons I feared they would find.   Ten months of treatment to help me survive, Ten fingers and toes to discover.  Ten years celebrating being alive, Ten birthdays of being her mother.