How Does YOUR Garden Grow?

How does YOUR garden grow? Mine grows with Rachel Gill!

Rachel was my youngest's preschool photographer. I met her 9 years ago, and after seeing her wonderful photography, decided to hire her for some candids and portraits of all of my kids, then 3, 7 and 9. The result was so much more than a beautiful collection of photos; we created memories of a fun-filled late afternoon jaunt through some fields to get to a barn, as we tried in vain to get Imogen to laugh. Rachel suggested I dance cartwheels behind her as she snapped away and it worked like a charm -  the resulting photos are some of the best I've ever seen of my kids, or any kids for that matter! She really is a gifted photographer. 

I later learned that Rachel's photography business was not her primary talent; she was in fact a gardener by trade, and a very passionate proponent and educator on sustainability and on growing your own food. When she said she was a fellow nature lover I knew I had found a kindred spirit. She mentioned her How Does Your Garden Grow (HDYGG) Facebook page and I followed it and was immediately taken in by her random thoughts and observations on seemingly mundane subjects. Rachel expresses herself in a manner so relatable to all of her readers. There is a reason why her page has a following of 95K!

On HDYGG, Rachel recently highlighted a story about a page follower whose kind husband saw one of her posts and offered to put together the vents for her new greenhouse, a task she had been struggling to find time to complete. It was a simple enough small project, but one that had been weighing on her as these vents were needed in order to safely move her seedlings and plants into the structure. He came over, got busy with the task at hand, and Rachel made a new friend in his wife. In her post, Rachel spoke about the kindness of strangers, and that there are still good people in this world willing to step up and lend a hand, no questions asked. I couldn't agree more as this is my life's philosophy too. Good people are everywhere, (apparently 95K strong in Rachel's!), HDYGG is growing its gardens of fruit, vegetables and community, and this is what makes it so special. 

I strive to create community through my official volunteer work with Girl Guides of Canada, and through my informal, grassroots network of breast cancer thrivers, "OMG". Creating community is one of my main goals in life right now and really has been all along, I just didn't know it. Second only to caring for and supporting my three kids and my aging parents, nurturing my own health, (so I can be here for them for as long as humanly possible), and bringing joy through puns to everyone who will humour my humour...these are my priorities in this beautiful gift called my life.

It's not been easy though. As a single mum for the past 8 years, I can tell you that there have been many days when I'm not sure how I am surviving. Even prior to my latest breast cancer diagnosis, I struggled to keep up with the demands of household management, childcare, and meal planning, simply by being "down" one parent. Here has been my greatest folly, though granted - at the the time I was married so didn't have the same needs: my closest friends and I all purchased our current homes within approximately the same time frame, but none of us had the foresight to think, "We should live near each other". Having besties a few houses or streets over would've made life drastically easier for all of us, with babysitting, errand-running, grocery shopping, meals and especially for those midnight trips to CHEO (children's hospital) that skyrocketed when the kids were young. We are all kicking ourselves that we moved to complete opposite ends of the city. So here's my PSA to potential home buyers, especially if you have or plan on starting a family: Buy a home close to your peeps!

Now, what if that's just not possible? Well, I have great news to share! Our world is a vast sea of kind and compassionate humans eager to lend a hand and make our lives easier. We just have to throw out our lifeline and let them reel us in. The first step is signalling our needs to them in the first place, as they may not see or even recognize that your ship is heading towards or stuck in choppy waters. Your barge may appear shiny and new, but on the inside is in disrepair - or worse yet - has suffered a recent unexpected blow and is filling with water! For whatever reason your ship needs attention, bust out that flare gun and call siren and sound the alarm. Others will respond, and you will be found safe. Then your village with start to grow.

How did I grow my village? Well, after my metastatic breast cancer (mBC) diagnosis in March 2024, I initially chose to keep my circle of support small to keep it manageable, and I directly messaged my needs to a chosen "gatekeeper" who could manage my many requests. She would then forward them on to a targeted group of my closest friends who signed up and selflessly sprang into action. Six months later when I was noticing caregiver burnout and was informed of additional needs within some of their own families, I decided a break was in order and that I should expand my circle of support to my greater Facebook friend list.

This was a huge step, as a solid quarter of my FB friends I'd not seen IRL in years, some in decades, and many since elementary school. So asking for help from this cohort was a giant leap of faith. Well, the response was overwhelming! Rides, meals, childcare, home support, all so helpful abound - but the best part was reconnecting with these friends again and building community by growing my village. I've actually been so overrun with offers of support and requests to come visit that I haven't been able to respond to each and every message yet! 

Even though my situation is severe (palliative care), I am adamant and encourage EVERYONE to just get online/out there and ask for help when, or ideally before, things become too much. Even for the simplest of tasks. You don't have to have a serious medical condition to need help with life! 

Let me expand on that. Your challenges are just as important as mine, they are just different. Their impact on each of you is the same as mine on me, and our need for support is identical. Please don't downplay your needs or challenges simply because they don't have the big C in them. You are important and I see you. You deserve help too, as we all do, and you will receive it, I promise!

Remember the show One Day at a Time? The Facts of Life? Family Ties? There was wisdom there amongst the angst and terrible haircuts. There are days when approaching the simplest of tasks seems unbearable and leaves you feeling completely alone and helpless, right? It is precisely on these days that you should reach out to your village, however small the ask, and not fear you will be judged for asking. Your needs are just as important and deserving of support as anyone else's, and we can all use help to get us through the day. Sure, sometimes it's a big ask that we have no trouble communicating (like my pergola-raising party), but often it's the seemingly smallest tasks that have the greatest impact on our well-being (like fetching an essential grocery staple I forgot to add to my delivery order and couldn't do without...and can't drive there myself to fetch).

Perhaps my most memorable example is the time I needed a ride to the hospital for my nephrostomy tube exchange. This is the not-so-fun procedure where I am sedated while they replace the drain tubing that enters my kidneys in my back, and my bile duct in my chest. I'd been so focused on arranging rides for my kids' appointments that I neglected to secure a ride to my own treatment. Just as I was about to set up a pricey Uber I thought, "I could really use the care of a friend to drive me there comfortably and to stay with me in the prep room to calm my nerves". So I posted a ride request on my Facebook profile, and within minutes I had a taker. The caring human who drove me was someone I seen once in 30 years! Since that day I regularly see Sharon, (who has become my "last minute drive" person when I get spectacularly disorganized and mess up my schedule), and we've resurrected our shared love of photography from the days when we worked together. Sharon is part of my village!

I am slowly growing my village and wow, what a difference it is making to my life and that of my three kids. From folding and putting away a daunting mountain of laundry, to watering my beloved plants (they are thriving now!), to fetching prescriptions, to popping over for short visits so we can all mentally offload - my quality of life has improved drastically because of the kindness and generosity of my village. This week we will finally be putting away the Christmas decorations which have been in half-filled boxes in my living room. It may seem inconsequential, but getting these little tasks done is what keeps me from losing my mind. Task completion certainly is a stress reducer, and I happily check the tick boxes of my many lists in Google Keep throughout the day. Who else adds tasks you hadn't planned but completed to your list, just so you can tick them off as done? So satisfying! Jokes aside, I think my greatest comfort, what truly makes life manageable, is my sense of community togetherness, and the knowledge that I am never truly alone.

So where does one find one's village you may be asking? Helper bees come out of the woodwork when called, and I am so grateful to have such an incredibly supportive and caring hive. I encourage everyone to just ask for help, especially for "the little things". Then sit back, grow your village and see where it takes you! Celebrate that you belong to a community like HDYGG. Being part of someone else's village is an amazing experience too, as evidenced by the lovely acts of kindness on Rachel's page. 

Thank you Rachel, for creating such a wonderfully vibrant and beautiful community. You are a very special person indeed.

Footnote: I have no gardening abilities nor plans to ever grow one, yet I find something inspirational, humorous, witty and relatable in each HDYGG post. My sense of humour has grown exponentially too. 

Follow Rachel at How Does Your Garden Grow? (HDYGG). You will not regret it!

Yours, Ellen