Cancer brings out the best in people

Your eyes are likely scanning up to the post's title right about now.  Go ahead, give it another read.  Yes, that's the best, not the worst.  Many feel that Cancer brings out the worst in people - and I can certainly see why - but I have observed first-hand that it really does bring out the best in people too.

Conversation with my 4-yr old today: 
Me: "My oncologist told me yesterday that the chemo is working really well, and that the tumour is shrinking!  Mom's cancer is going away!"
My 4-yr old: "Yay!  I'm so happy!  Now, what about your tummy?"
Me: <confused> "My tummy hurts sometimes, but that's normal."
My 4-yr old: "No Mom, I mean, what is she doing about your big tummy?  Can she make IT go away?"
Me: <sigh> "Right, I'd forgotten all about my post-baby bulge.  Thanks, sweetie.  I'm afraid Mummy has to get rid of that herself".

Many of you know that I took a huge leap last week and decided to post my story (via my blog) on my facebook page.  Although I originally asked friends to "keep facebook cancer-free", it later occurred to me that social media was just the ticket to spread the word and reach the far corners of the world.  And it worked!  My page view count quadrupled in 24 hrs and I'm proud to say I now have blog readers on 6 continents.  Welcome!  Anyone know anybody in Antarctica?  Anyone?  Bueller?...

I now feel as though my cancer has a real purpose, that it has not merely ventured here to upset my life and that of those around me.  By contrast, I think it has come here to remind me what my life should be about:

Ellen's doctrine (circa 2012):
1. Be a loving mother, wife and friend. 
2. Spread humour.
3. Create community. 
4. Help others who don't know they need help. 
5. Live, instead of worrying about living.

So what is my plan to accomplish all of this?  Simply, to try.  And to keep trying.  And to keep reminding myself to keep trying.  Several years ago, I learned all about writing down my goals.  I decided to record my New Year's resolutions, each one written on its own large, colourful strip of paper.  I blue-tacked the strips to my wall in a haphazard yet aesthetically pleasing fashion, and studied the wall each morning as I was getting ready for work.  All of my resolutions followed the SMART principles (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and timely), for example, none of this "be a better person" wishy-washiness!  That year, I accomplished 30 of the 33 resolutions I wrote down!  Examples of successes included: "Learn to drive standard", "Complete a beginner's Spanish course" and "Get back in touch and stay in touch with -- " (then I listed 5 long lost friends).  So happy to report that on this last resolution, I did just that, and these 5 friends are (not surprisingly) at the top of my cancer-fighting support contingent!

Taxotere, my new fear
Yes, it's true!  I'm not doing so well on my number 5 raison d'être above (i.e., not worrying).  If I was apprehensive, nervous or anxious about the first AC treatment, I am scared to bits over the Taxotere.  Reading about others' experiences really does have its pros and cons.  I am the type of person who will not be happy unless I know about all possible side effects.  This worked with the AC, and remarkably, I experienced few side effects, and with little intensity.  Taxotere, by contrast, has done a number on me, and I am not even there yet!  The countdown is on...T minus 9 hours to my first treatment...and I am really really dreading it.  I know that I will be sitting here tomorrow night, the fear of the unknown gone and managing with grace whatever I am dealt, but it is the not knowing that is killing me tonight.  Really happy you are here to distract me! 

Potential Side Effects:
Here's what I'm told I can/may expect for the next 4 cycles (12 weeks) of Taxotere:

- Extreme fatigue/low energy for most of each 21-day cycle.  Whereas with AC, I had 3-5 down days, Taxotere commonly causes fatigue for much longer, some say, for 18 days, then a couple of days of normal before the next round.  Eep!
- Less nausea than the AC.  Ding ding!
- Bone pain and muscle pain, possibly quite severe.  Boo!
- Nail discolouration and/breakage/falling off.  Come again?  Guess I will forego the expensive pedicure.
- Abdominal cramping from the Decadron I must take to stave off an allergic reaction to the Taxotere tomorrow.  I'll have to stomach it.  I'm guessing my Reactine ain't gonna cut it!
- More bone pain from the Neulasta injection.  Told to take Tylenol to combat the bone pain from the Neulasta which is combating the low neutrophil count from the Taxotere.  And the hip bone's connected to the, leg bone...

I've decided that the only side effect I am certain to experience is:
- Total insanity from taking too many meds!  I really have to get over the whole, "this is not naturopathic and this is ok" side of chemo.  Next to coming to terms with not breastfeeding, this has been my biggest hurdle.

To finish off this post, I am proud to present to you a handful of the many ways my cancer has brought out the best in people since I started this blog.

Blessings Report:
All of the offers I've received for meals, drives, get-aways and alternative therapies:
The many, touching personal messages I received this week recounting your own brave struggles and experiences in the cancer cadre.
Hearing about YOUR blessings! (taken from comments posted on my blog):

"You have reminded me to look around and to count my blessings"
"You are touching many lives"
"You make me see my world in an entirely different light"
"I think of you when I feel overwhelmed with my 2 kids"
"Watching the Red Devil creep it's way up the IV and waiting for the world to come to an end. And then it doesn't. And life goes on."

I feel the love, people.  I hope you do too!